Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
