he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
