This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
