I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
