Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
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I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
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Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize