anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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