i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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