...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
