No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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