At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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