I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
