dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
