Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
whose ass print is on the piano?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
