i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
