Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
