Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
