i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
