I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
