what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
