I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
