I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
