I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Text me some of your sweat
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
