his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There r osticjed everywhere
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
