if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
