And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
