My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize