I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
