8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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