can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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