she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she smelled like a LAN party
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
