Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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