So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
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Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
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He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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