I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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