it was like eating out sand paper
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Randomize
