you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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