My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I cockslap morals
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
