I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
