maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
