This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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