i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
ok first of all what the fuck
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
