so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
