"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
