Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
