i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
