New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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