I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
