I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
