Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This is the high leading the old right now
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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