I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
