at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
