i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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