My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
