She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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