i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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