Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
