maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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