I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
