how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
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It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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