i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Sorry about my life...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
