I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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