Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
