Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
