can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
