Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
