You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
