i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
