you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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