is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I want her autograph on my taint
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
