I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
