I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
