I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "