i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.