sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
