you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person