For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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